Wednesday, September 19, 2018

I disappeared, but I do have some news

To cut right to the chase, I've been writing a bit after a long period of trying several MS treatments. The funny thing is that I actually feel worse, but my mind feels a little more clear and the depression is more manageable. So there you go.

Beneath the Neon Moon's sequel is coming out, probably 2019, but no later. It's a guarantee. I'm well aware of how I've let people down on this, and I wouldn't announce if I weren't certain. Rising Wolf will be out before the end of 2019. It turns out I require three books to finish Mal and Zach's story, so be warned: if you choose to read it, know there's no resolution regarding their fate and the fate of the wolf pack. Of course you'll learn much more about them and who they are, and be further along with them on their journey, but the next novel isn't the end. It is, however, a full-fledged novel rather than a novella.

I'm currently working on two stories I started so very long ago: my first vampire novel, writing as Klaudia Bara (Becoming), and a revision of a novella called Eromenos that I never finished editing and polishing. In many ways I'm no longer the same person that I was when I started these stories, but both of them still speak to me. I feel they deserve to be finished and out there in the world, for better or worse.

I'd love to say that it doesn't matter if they do well, but of course it does. It will always matter, but the market has changed so much. It's just that what I'm willing to do and how I will push them out of the nest turns out to matter more, and I recognize that. Most of all, I'm a writer, and if they sell badly or not at all, I'll probably still be here, writing and putting stories out as I can.

I hope all is well with you and wish you the very best.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

donations for displaced animals during the fire

updated, Ripley's Aquarium animals reported safe:

donations for displaced animals in the area for the Sevier County Humane Society

The Chimneys and Gatlinburg

I posted this in 2014--a hike I took with my kids to the top of the Chimneys. It had/has meaning for me. The Smoky Mtns have been a backdrop to my life. I've visited there so many times. I think of these mountains when I think of Mal and Zach.

and tonight it looks like this:

I am heartsick. We've had almost no rain for a month. The air's bad. Wind kicked up today. Gatlinburg's burning, and Ripley's Aquarium was surrounded by fire hours ago. Over 10,000 animals there, my God. I'm fixated on it, and horrified.

And my daughter's girlfriend may have lost her home there tonight, though thankfully, oh so thankfully, her family and her animals are safe.

Tonight it finally began to rain, but not enough.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

it's alive (maybe. sorta)

The myriad drugs for my health (or lack thereof, she said ironically), depression and the MS itself are giving me a true run for the money, and causing frustration for me in terms of writing.

No, let me be straight. It's mild cognitive decline. I'm more easily upset, less inspired, less interested in doing and more convinced that I can't. I forget things. My head hurts. But as you can see, I haven't been robbed of words. I still move quite well, but inside my head, things are changing. I'm not me, and I hate it.

Okay, I'm still me, but I feel the changes. And they threaten me.

Probably going to start posting the first book chapters of Rising Wolf at my website. Hope that will somehow help me to finish. It's become a THING, to finish. It's a symbol. I failed deadlines, failed to deliver, failed readers, but if I can finish then ultimately I might continue on trying to do more of the same. Actually produce something. Let Mal and Zach out to play instead of just living inside my head.

I've written things, but fan fiction. Shorter Id fic.  It's helped remind me I'm still capable, but right now I'm in a bad place. And a novel at this juncture was a mistake. It's a different animal, and I'm floundering a bit. The radio silence from my end hasn't helped, either, so I have decided to break it.

I'll post here more often, I hope. Just to speak, say SOMETHING.

Well, this was a happy post. The next one will be better. I hope everyone is doing well.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

such a simple thing

Susanna's Pacemaker

Rising Wolf has taken me so very long to publish. Like a lot of you, I've been through seemingly unending upheavals in terms of my personal life, finances, health. It's been overwhelming. Along with other health issues, then the MS diagnosis and trying to find a course of treatment that slows the progress, next came depression - something I've got a bit of familiarity with.


I'm on Rebif, three shots a week, and methotrexate once a week. I can't say they make me feel well but I've noticed, finally, an uptick in energy and the ability to complete some tasks, along with less brain fog. So now is the time to get my book done, right?

Susanna's Pacemaker is a very simple app - you plug in the words you think the project needs (okay so I'm terrible at estimating, but I plugged in that Book II needs the same number of words as Book I), the date you'd like to be finished, if you'd like weekends off, if you'd like a steady flow of words, and it spits out a chart. So I did that. And I've been following it, because it lets me see what I need to do to get this book out, plain and simple. And it's more difficult than I ever would have thought, but still, I'm hanging in.

RW is a bonafide novel, and I'm looking at a 160,000 word estimate (I did say I'm terrible at estimating word count, but seems reasonable). I have 107,000 words as of now. If I do get finished in August per my plan, I could FINALLY have a release in the fall. Oh my god, am I hoping for that.

Maybe, quite possibly there's nobody out there to read it after my extended off-time with no new releases. I really hope that's not true, but this thing has become bigger than that, even. For me it's a symbol: never say die, never give up. And, oh yes, these characters deserve to have their story told.

So yeah, a biggie for me.

I hope everyone is doing well. 

Monday, May 11, 2015

nature - let's rethink it

So much for embracing nature, even from my wide, breezy porch. I sit down to write and a spider crawls up my side. DO NOT WANT.
Try again. Sit on the porch itself, turn around and see my cat after a lizard without a tail. Oh, wait, without a tail NOW - there's the tail, wiggling on the porch. I'm guarding the lizard while two dogs and a cat try to get to it.
The dog picks the wriggling tail up in its mouth, takes it off the porch. She's back in less than a minute, and ugh, we know where THAT went. She noses interestedly around me. Cat still trying to get past me. I build a barricade because I cannot bring myself to pick up the tailless lizard (it might, oh, WRIGGLE. Or wiggle, like a tailless thing. Or a severed tail).
Yeah, maybe I'll try this another day.