Tuesday, December 1, 2015

it's alive (maybe. sorta)

The myriad drugs for my health (or lack thereof, she said ironically), depression and the MS itself are giving me a true run for the money, and causing frustration for me in terms of writing.

No, let me be straight. It's mild cognitive decline. I'm more easily upset, less inspired, less interested in doing and more convinced that I can't. I forget things. My head hurts. But as you can see, I haven't been robbed of words. I still move quite well, but inside my head, things are changing. I'm not me, and I hate it.

Okay, I'm still me, but I feel the changes. And they threaten me.

Probably going to start posting the first book chapters of Rising Wolf at my website. Hope that will somehow help me to finish. It's become a THING, to finish. It's a symbol. I failed deadlines, failed to deliver, failed readers, but if I can finish then ultimately I might continue on trying to do more of the same. Actually produce something. Let Mal and Zach out to play instead of just living inside my head.

I've written things, but fan fiction. Shorter Id fic.  It's helped remind me I'm still capable, but right now I'm in a bad place. And a novel at this juncture was a mistake. It's a different animal, and I'm floundering a bit. The radio silence from my end hasn't helped, either, so I have decided to break it.

I'll post here more often, I hope. Just to speak, say SOMETHING.

Well, this was a happy post. The next one will be better. I hope everyone is doing well.